Pursuit to my happiness

Posts tagged ‘mind’

Life As An Empath

Greetings all! Welcome to my UNI-verse. 

 

Do you ever feel like you have a large emotional work load? Are you exhausted after being around a lot of people, or just from specific people? Can you feel their energy through your body and mistake it to be your own energy? If you answered yes then chances are you are an empath. 

It’s hard to be an empath. For my experience I’ve realized those I value most are the ones that drain me the most–but it’s only when s/he is in a “dark place”. If I see someone I know is in any sort of pain I absorb their energy and slowly ingest it into my soul until that person’s dark place is over–and then I experience the dark place. Dark places for me isn’t just like any kind of dark place, it sends me to awful places in my mind. The distance I create with others and the silence of my lips clearly shows I’m not in my place. Yesterday my significant other was in a very dark place, and had been most of the day. I was silent as I watched him, felt him, and surely absorbed his energy before establishing a distance between me and the rest of the world. My usual chatty self hasn’t spoken a word since the last time I asked if he was okay; however, he finally opened up to me about why he was in a dark place. 

It was tragic to feel just how hurt he was, and the tribulations that have onset to me was now embedded in my soul. Tagging me. Nagging me to rid of his sorrow and hold it for him. To destroy it for him. When it comes to my significant other all other rules I have vanish–he’s my exception to the rule, and everything else goes out the window. I could feel the pain and anguish of the memory he later described to me in such a vivid detail it made me stop breathing for a moment. I never knew this person he was talking about, never knew she existed until last night, but I felt her. I could feel his friend’s pain as she struggled for her last breath before someone had taken it for her. This feeling made my world grow black and the pain sucked me right back into that cyclical black hole. 

It pains me knowing the strength of the powerful negative emotions I feel from people, close or stranger, will always affect me. I have yet to establish strong boundaries to keep my energy from depleting and solely running off the strong and pained energy of others. It’s cyclical and destructive. How do you stop? For years the more I ask this question the deeper my empathy runs; kind of counterproductive, eh? 

Is there anyone else like me?

 

XO,

B

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Looking Through Glass

Let’s say for a moment that you were inside of my mind; you feel my stress, my anxiety and my passion, but what good would it do if you don’t understand it? What if you don’t understand how I feel? For a moment just think what it’s like to be bold, to always have somebody else make that first initial move that haunts and worries your mind every time you pass by her? “What if she’s it? What if she isn’t?” Two choices: either find out if she is or think about if you should pursue something that may seem skeptical to you. You were always so skeptical at pursuing something foreign. Let’s go back to the mind; she thinks out her emotions and feelings, could you handle that? Sometimes you worry so much if she’d be able to handle you and all of your minor insecurities, the same insecurities that make your character and help you choose what you want in a wise and simplistic fashion. Will you be able to handle all that her mind carries? You always see her think all of the time, her stares are constantly judging and discriminating, there’s always something, or somebody, to be concerned about. There’s a lot of thoughts and deep depths in there.

Your mind has to look through hers as if you were looking through a glass.

Let’s travel down into the chest where her heart thuds hard at the sound of your voice. Will you be able to understand why she’s silent around you? Will it finally be clear that your presence alone causes her tongue to tie up in silly little knots as her mind begins to race? There goes that mind thing again, always churning quickly to process everything that she intakes. She is an observer, you know. If you feel her heart can you appreciate that she only saves all of the love and affection for you? Will you wonder why she never shows it to anyone else or will you finally understand that she doesn’t want anybody else in her arms except for you? This is the second strongest organ in her tiny little body, it feels and does so much for that she can only hope, one day, you will feel her and begin to understand that it is helping you, too.

When you feel, will you feel that time she takes out of her life just to satisfy you will seem a lot more special? Will you feel what she touches and understand why she smiles when it reminds her of you? And how quickly her reactions are when they send those ‘butterflies’ that flutter her heart then up to that constantly thinking brain of hers as it gives her body the ‘okay’ to search for such a pleasure? Will you understand?

She only wants you to be able to understand her without questions–she finds comfort in trusting you. If only you were to make that move…
Sometimes it’s hard trying to define what your heart wants, what her mind wants, but for once there is some kind of unified, unwritten agreement. It’s up to you how far you would like to pursue the one you’re curious about, but don’t forget to feel her mind, think about your heart, and remember the touch you two both will feel.

 

 

Food for thought.

 

Fatties. Kid CuDi. Oatmeal. Trapped in my Mind?

I love that song, great song to relate to. I have relations with that subject, I live in my universe (mind). Since I do live up there that’s why it is no longer called my mind, it’s my universe. What’s on my universe right now? That’s a Facebook question.

On to what I was wanting to express to you all. There comes a time whenever an individual has to make a life-altering decision (if you think about it, every decision is a life-altering one) that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Do you take it? Do you weigh the risks of benefits and damage beforehand or do you just plunge right into the matter? If you decide not to follow through with it will you regret it? Would you go back and try to see what may have happened? Or do you decide to take that plunge and just go for it? Choices like these are always ones which I hate making because a sudden urge to not do it clouds my mind. I need to begin taking more risks…maybe. Either case, the decision I want to make has been crowding around in my subconscious lately and I believe it’s time for me to make a final decision whether I want to follow through with it or just wait. I’ve always waited and now that I have another opportunity to partake in this it seems as though I’m supposed to? Or maybe it’s a test? It could ultimately be either-or considering where I’ve walked.

I know this is very vague, but it can apply to most anything yeah?

I love Pandora. I also love Lux Aeterna. (latin).

I’m going to Google some things and maybe get back to this thing to tell you guys how it went. Hope your choice gets decided on adequately.

xx Yenttirb

Pursuits. Happiness. Framing Hanley. Beer-bellies

Warzone

What is happiness? I’ve heard the term all of my life and yet it’s safe for me to conclude that I’m still unsure of what this ‘happiness’ is. I’m in the pursuit of this topic, I’m in the works of finding out about it as well, but isn’t happiness supposed to be one of those things that one is supposed to internally ‘get’ or ‘understand’? I search the word all of the time to see what a good definition of being ‘happy’ is supposed to be like so maybe when my symptoms match to those of Google search I will have an idea of what the hell is going on with me.

The dictionary always brings up the word ‘feeling’ or ‘feel’ followed by the word ’emotion’, neither of which I’m awesome at doing. So far on my pursuit to my ‘happiness’ I’ve gathered this tid bit of information thus far—

–> I prefer to think with my head instead of my heart, which hinders my journey towards my pursuit.

–> I Google what happiness is so I have guidelines?

–> Google gives bad definitions of ‘feelings’ and ’emotions’…but I guess that’s more of an individualistic thing huh?

–> On this journey I’ve learned that when I help others it brings me some sense of ‘joy’?  Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction.

–> I’ve gathered I’m thinking too much and not feeling enough. Capacity to experience the higher emotions; sensitivity; sensibility

–> I literally just searched the word ‘feeling’…

But it always gets worse before it gets better, right? It can’t honestly stay this way. I used to be able to feel and emot and express myself in a better way than what I am now…maybe I just need time. Or the right kind of understanding and empathetic person?

My contacts are dry….

No matter what happens, I’ll always have writing and my mind to tide me over.

Yeah, I thought optimism would perk up there haha (:

 

Seriously though…go check out Framing Hanley. Ryan, Luke, Chris Brandon, and Nixon are AH-MAZING.

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