Pursuit to my happiness

Posts tagged ‘information’

Pour It Up

Greetings all who still blog. I welcome thee.

 

Have you ever wondered why we don’t stay consistent, and why we need to change so often? For example, take an animal. Animals eat, they interact, bathe, reproduce, and survive, but they are wired to survival mode because of the way their limbic systems are aligned. They cannot formulate speech or talk to us (with the exceptions out there ;)), but other mammals are happy not wondering or thinking of an abstract way to live–they just live like they’re wired to. So why do humans, the only animals who need love to survive, change so often? I say this in terms of changing in a relationship of any sort, say a friendship or a romantic one for example. If we find someone whom we connect with and share common ground with then why must we allow life to change us and take away from the person we was when we first meet different people in our lives? (This will make sense-somewhat!-soon).

I went to the doctor today to find out what the hell is wrong with me. I’ve distanced myself from all of my friends and sunk so deeply into myself only to find this bare and empty shell of old memories. These memories were so dear to me because of who I was when these memories were created. Now I’m nothing like that girl, and I can’t help but wonder if I’ve just let life completely change me even though I’ve been very aware of these changes. Here lately I don’t like who I am because I’ve allowed life to change me in ways that I’ve never thought possible. Am I the only one who has thought about this thing called life? The doctor finally gave me more pills to shove down my throat and sent me on my way, but there’s a nagging feeling that no matter what medicates me I’ll still feel like a shell of old memories. I’m always changing and I’ve grown apart from so many ideas, thoughts, desires, people, family, etc. all because I’ve let life change me. I’ve grown tired and rusty at connecting with people, and to be quite frank, it’s only gotten worse as the doctors fill my bloodstream up with generic pills. Pills run my life now, isn’t that some shit.

I’ve come to realize that I will never be able to understand how I got here. Why I’m here. Who’s here with me, or against me. Not many make an effort to connect with me anymore, show love and appreciation. So I distanced and I look back quite a bit (I’m the type that doesn’t easily let things slide–a blessing as well as a curse) and wonder why I let life change me. I don’t have the answers and no one is volunteering to fill in the fuzzy areas. So I fill my body up with pills that now claim this soul named Brittney because I’ve allowed life to change me. When does this ride stop?

Sometimes I hate having such emotions because I can’t even begin to explain the HALF of what I’m feeling right now–except a touch of sorrow. So here it is, I’ve just poured it up. Hope your glass isn’t half empty.

 

XO,

B

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“Conspiracy of Silence”

Hello all!

 

Instead of doing my soc. homework I have, yet again, found myself on this site blogging about what is, currently, on my brain

 

What exactly is it about silence that we individuals find to be so comforting? Is it allowing our minds to settle down, or maybe it’s to avoid a certain issue or topic that’s too heavy to discuss—-a topic like death. Humans have this innate sixth sense, whether we realise it presently or not, that indicates when others are comfortable or uncomfortable about certain things because it is in our DNA (forever encoded, sorry folks!) Let’s say, for example, a couple is unhappy. Couples are unhappy every day, so what? Research shows, thanks Parker-Pope, individuals who are self-silencing are four times more likely to die from holding their emotions, concerns, and feelings in as opposed to confronting them head-on; all to keep the peace and “let it go”. 

Let me ask you this: is keeping silent a good or bad thing? It can be both for sure, depending on the situation. Not everybody should know that you masturbate in the ladies room on your lunch break; on the other hand, shouldn’t your partner know that he is hurting your feelings if he is telling his ‘guys’ about all of your embarrassing stories during their hang out time? People are very carefully crafted creatures, each of us made with the right amount of silence versus verbal communication already inside—it’s just learning how to adjust the balance between the two. 
So what do we do when someone has just told you something, considerably, deep and emotional? Do you act “awkward” around this person now that you now know this information and only focus on the mundane; or do you decide to withhold your true feelings and exchange platitudes? Where is that balance now?

 

There is a certain conspiracy to silence. It can be “unlawful” in some cases, it can be beautiful in others, and it can even be too much. So, I ask again: what is it about silence that draws us in?  

 

Just a few scattered thoughts…. technically I have done my homework! 😉

 

XO

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