Pursuit to my happiness

Posts tagged ‘deep’

Life As An Empath

Greetings all! Welcome to my UNI-verse. 

 

Do you ever feel like you have a large emotional work load? Are you exhausted after being around a lot of people, or just from specific people? Can you feel their energy through your body and mistake it to be your own energy? If you answered yes then chances are you are an empath. 

It’s hard to be an empath. For my experience I’ve realized those I value most are the ones that drain me the most–but it’s only when s/he is in a “dark place”. If I see someone I know is in any sort of pain I absorb their energy and slowly ingest it into my soul until that person’s dark place is over–and then I experience the dark place. Dark places for me isn’t just like any kind of dark place, it sends me to awful places in my mind. The distance I create with others and the silence of my lips clearly shows I’m not in my place. Yesterday my significant other was in a very dark place, and had been most of the day. I was silent as I watched him, felt him, and surely absorbed his energy before establishing a distance between me and the rest of the world. My usual chatty self hasn’t spoken a word since the last time I asked if he was okay; however, he finally opened up to me about why he was in a dark place. 

It was tragic to feel just how hurt he was, and the tribulations that have onset to me was now embedded in my soul. Tagging me. Nagging me to rid of his sorrow and hold it for him. To destroy it for him. When it comes to my significant other all other rules I have vanish–he’s my exception to the rule, and everything else goes out the window. I could feel the pain and anguish of the memory he later described to me in such a vivid detail it made me stop breathing for a moment. I never knew this person he was talking about, never knew she existed until last night, but I felt her. I could feel his friend’s pain as she struggled for her last breath before someone had taken it for her. This feeling made my world grow black and the pain sucked me right back into that cyclical black hole. 

It pains me knowing the strength of the powerful negative emotions I feel from people, close or stranger, will always affect me. I have yet to establish strong boundaries to keep my energy from depleting and solely running off the strong and pained energy of others. It’s cyclical and destructive. How do you stop? For years the more I ask this question the deeper my empathy runs; kind of counterproductive, eh? 

Is there anyone else like me?

 

XO,

B

“Conspiracy of Silence”

Hello all!

 

Instead of doing my soc. homework I have, yet again, found myself on this site blogging about what is, currently, on my brain

 

What exactly is it about silence that we individuals find to be so comforting? Is it allowing our minds to settle down, or maybe it’s to avoid a certain issue or topic that’s too heavy to discuss—-a topic like death. Humans have this innate sixth sense, whether we realise it presently or not, that indicates when others are comfortable or uncomfortable about certain things because it is in our DNA (forever encoded, sorry folks!) Let’s say, for example, a couple is unhappy. Couples are unhappy every day, so what? Research shows, thanks Parker-Pope, individuals who are self-silencing are four times more likely to die from holding their emotions, concerns, and feelings in as opposed to confronting them head-on; all to keep the peace and “let it go”. 

Let me ask you this: is keeping silent a good or bad thing? It can be both for sure, depending on the situation. Not everybody should know that you masturbate in the ladies room on your lunch break; on the other hand, shouldn’t your partner know that he is hurting your feelings if he is telling his ‘guys’ about all of your embarrassing stories during their hang out time? People are very carefully crafted creatures, each of us made with the right amount of silence versus verbal communication already inside—it’s just learning how to adjust the balance between the two. 
So what do we do when someone has just told you something, considerably, deep and emotional? Do you act “awkward” around this person now that you now know this information and only focus on the mundane; or do you decide to withhold your true feelings and exchange platitudes? Where is that balance now?

 

There is a certain conspiracy to silence. It can be “unlawful” in some cases, it can be beautiful in others, and it can even be too much. So, I ask again: what is it about silence that draws us in?  

 

Just a few scattered thoughts…. technically I have done my homework! 😉

 

XO

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