Greetings all! Welcome to my UNI-verse.
Do you ever feel like you have a large emotional work load? Are you exhausted after being around a lot of people, or just from specific people? Can you feel their energy through your body and mistake it to be your own energy? If you answered yes then chances are you are an empath.
It’s hard to be an empath. For my experience I’ve realized those I value most are the ones that drain me the most–but it’s only when s/he is in a “dark place”. If I see someone I know is in any sort of pain I absorb their energy and slowly ingest it into my soul until that person’s dark place is over–and then I experience the dark place. Dark places for me isn’t just like any kind of dark place, it sends me to awful places in my mind. The distance I create with others and the silence of my lips clearly shows I’m not in my place. Yesterday my significant other was in a very dark place, and had been most of the day. I was silent as I watched him, felt him, and surely absorbed his energy before establishing a distance between me and the rest of the world. My usual chatty self hasn’t spoken a word since the last time I asked if he was okay; however, he finally opened up to me about why he was in a dark place.
It was tragic to feel just how hurt he was, and the tribulations that have onset to me was now embedded in my soul. Tagging me. Nagging me to rid of his sorrow and hold it for him. To destroy it for him. When it comes to my significant other all other rules I have vanish–he’s my exception to the rule, and everything else goes out the window. I could feel the pain and anguish of the memory he later described to me in such a vivid detail it made me stop breathing for a moment. I never knew this person he was talking about, never knew she existed until last night, but I felt her. I could feel his friend’s pain as she struggled for her last breath before someone had taken it for her. This feeling made my world grow black and the pain sucked me right back into that cyclical black hole.
It pains me knowing the strength of the powerful negative emotions I feel from people, close or stranger, will always affect me. I have yet to establish strong boundaries to keep my energy from depleting and solely running off the strong and pained energy of others. It’s cyclical and destructive. How do you stop? For years the more I ask this question the deeper my empathy runs; kind of counterproductive, eh?
Is there anyone else like me?