In regards to this path that I have paved, to the canvas I have turned my body into, and to the thoughts that always float around–this is for you.
I always hated when my scars started to fade, because as long as I could still see them, I knew why I was hurting. (Jodi Picoult)
I am, ultimately, very grateful for this year of 2012. So much has happened to me this year but all of which I had once wished would happen—it’s just that all of my wishes has hit me all this year instead of spread out throughout the year. I’ve been able to express myself through my body, through words, constructively channel anger and feel happy with no regrets. I have been able to feel! I know what being in love is like, I know what heart break feels like, I know what pure anger feels like, and I know what happiness, my happiness, is like. Extraordinary! Never thought I’d be able to feel this much and I am truly blessed. Thank everyone that has come into my life and taught me something, I owe you my gratitude. ❤
I am a walking contradiction, for I say one thing then do another. I admit that I am flawed, I admit that I have many of them–but if I don’t always show my flaws do people perceive me to believe I think I’m perfect? That’s a problem in our society, people think, we forget to know.
How often do you change? Change is the drug we all seek, and even if you don’t condone change you still do it. We all change because our thoughts, our actions and perceptions are forever seeking more. Another problem with society, we are forever ungrateful and unsatisfied. So selfish we are as humans–but that is exactly my point. We are humans; you are, I am, your lover is. We are all humans and humans are designed to create flaws. Why? To learn. Do you like to learn? This goes back to my statement above, we forgot to “know” and just assume to “think“. Anybody can think but how many people know? How would you know unless you have flawed? How would you have flawed without change? How can you change if you think you don’t need to? Such a beautiful cycle is it not?
I have hurt people with my contradictions, mostly it was over petty things but I suppose the principle still remains. But I am changing, and even though I continue to change I am still a hypocrite because I say or feel one thing one day but do another some other day.
I suppose I should just keep to my silence and get over myself though, nobody likes a hypocrite to speak.
“It wasn’t just a regular kiss, it was that intense kind where I straddled him and my hands get lost in his hair…”
More up later.