Pursuit to my happiness

Instead of working this is where I go; the endless dimensions of the Internet. Nice, right? *sarcasm*

 

It is now July, and so far a lot has happened with me since school has let out. Got a job, found myself a bit more–but my primary focus of this entry wasn’t to, necessarily, talk about myself, it’s more of an explaination.

Over the course of late June up until now I have been a complete asshole to my friend Undrea…maybe it’s been longer? For some reason when school lets out, and everybody departs, I have this shitty coping mechanism called distance; basically, I like to detach myself from everyone so I won’t get emotionally attached to anyone, especially guys. That within itself is a blog entry, so I’ll save the details, not like they matter anyways…but, you know, some people like to justify other peoples’ actions by hearing a reason. The “new”, it’s not new, I do it every year–we just now got close enough so you can actually see it, me has seemed to ruffle your feathers in the wrong way. If I were you I would think the same thing, but the idea to me is I don’t like to get too close to people when I’m away from them and you kept trying to get closer when I didn’t want to. I should have said something, but I was afraid that it would hurt you when I wasn’t, intentionally, wanting to do that. Suppose it ended up happening either way?

Another thing that happens during the summer, when I draw in to myself, is I get very uncomfortable around guys, believe it or not–and since you’re a guy and you kept wanting to get close it just made me uncomfortable, it reminded me of bad times. Again, sap story that I will pledge to forever keep to myself, but it’s true.

I never intended to hurt you because you are a good friend, even though I’ve been a very shitty one, but you have to understand that with me I like to keep some things to myself. I’ve not told one person everything that’s going on in my life–ever, and I don’t plan to either.

What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry I haven’t explained this to you and I really apologise for blowing up in your face. I can call you and say it, or text this to you if you want, but I can’t guarantee it would make as much sense as this. You can even say, “Fuck off, bitch whore nugget” and I’ll understand.

I’m really sorry for causing all of this….

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