Pursuit to my happiness


I’ve always wondered if being accepted was really “acceptance“. It sounds really stupid out loud, but in my head it seemed like a bigger question. People look for other individuals for one of two reasons; either we look for like-minded, familiar people, or we look for individuals completely different from ourselves to create a different, more open-minded base. But what happens if neither accept you? What do you do when you feel stuck feeling like you don’t belong in either group?

I knew a girl growing up who was a complete loner because, to her, she felt unaccepted. She felt alienated and struggled each day I knew her to keep what little friends she had. After a while people seemed to welcome her in because they were like-minded; they were angry, they were misfits. I watched Ana evolve into something else, too. I watched her grow soft, for she had soon enough lost her “edge” that made her seem intimidating. Ana was a sweet girl and I never knew why she never let herself show.

About sophomore year of high school she turned completely soft and vulnerable. I’d never seen Ana so timid and dainty almost, but I figured she must have been that way all along she just didn’t want to show it. She found more friends, leaving her old group behind, but she still kind of remained a loner. Towards our senior year I noticed she was much more outgoing, but she was still somehow always alone. She had, yet again, changed her group, and she seemed to be very accepted.

Once we graduated I kept in touch with her. I watched her draw into herself, her friends diminished, her social life was gone, and she always worked. A year later she went off to college and I ran into her one day. I noticed she was so vibrant and happy for once, her friends at college were weird and diverse, she seemed to really like them. As her college years added on I noticed she began to alienate herself again.

I can’t help but feel bad for Ana, it always seems she is so confused on the inside, but on the outside she seems like she has herself “together”.  I finally asked her one day why she’s always alone when it’s obvious people care and love her, her reply was simply “Have you ever thought about everything you’ve been through? Do you ever think there will never be anyone like you?”

My heart ached for this woman.

She’s fairly smart and she has such a big light on the inside. Her eyes light up when she’s actually happy, her soul luminates…I just don’t understand why it’s so hard for her to see how loved and accepted she really is. I think that’s why I’ve always liked Ana, she has this way about her that just draws people to her, but she never realises her talents. I remember some years ago I heard this song coming from her iPod and every time I hear it it reminds me of her. This post is dedicated to a dear friend who just needs a boost of love and acceptance.

You are accepted and you are loved.



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