Pursuit to my happiness

 

Growing older I’ve learned three things so far.

 

1. The older that we get the more we learn and the more we will learn. No matter our psychological, physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual make up, we will continually keep learning.

2. As we develop a keener sense of self we always will “want”; for example, love, lust, better being, better lives, better selves…

3. At last, the hardest thing for me to learn, that as much as we say we don’t want it, as much as we try to ignore those feelings of being left out, we need love as much as we want it. It’s in our genes, it’s pulsing and racing through our veins and blood. I want it.

I want you.

I never thought I’d say those so publicly, but I remember when you used to make me smile so childishly. I remember the days where I felt like somebody, where I was somebody. The days where I wasn’t afraid to chase what I wanted, almost in a  naive mindset…those were the days. I miss the days where I could say “I love you,” and smile when you would kiss my nose. It seems so long ago now…who knew  four years would change me so dramatically? I used to be so alive, I used to have colour to my flesh, my cheeks were always flushed, my lips would tingle. I could feel. Laughter used to be so much more enjoyable, pain used to be much more worth it, and happiness was easier to find.

Who is this person writing this now?

I never thought that being so [empty] could affect me as much as it has. I remember what it was like to feel loved, to love, to love unconditionally and blissfully. Love is so foreign to me now, yet I want it. I want to feel it again. I want to feel “it” again. Until that day comes, if it ever decides to, I feel it’s best to try and learn more about this so called “life” we live in. Some live it more than others, and to those who do live it I applaud you for chasing after what you want. What you desire.

The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it’s too low and we reach it. – Michelangelo

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