Pursuit to my happiness

Archive for October, 2011

Check it

Lemon Water?

New Song






What it’s Like to Walk in My Shoes

<—- these are my shoes.


I have to say that these shoes have saved me in some ways. Over the course of this week of classes my mind has been in almost every other thought besides school and a subject I began thinking about was my shoes. Yes, that lovely pair right above this script. I traveled to many places in them and went to two amazing concerts in them. I received them during the summer of last year because my aunt was trying to make me into a corporal female…I like my freedom and nothing to me speaks freedom like a pair of Converse. Yeah I got some heels and dresses but these shoes are worn on my feet more often than any other pair of shoes. After I had gotten them I was determined to wear them to a concert…another story for another time. This year I took a ,by car, cross-country road trip with my roommate Jasmine to Maryland. Of course I wore those shoes the entire time, they needed to carry me to new grounds, to new places to see new faces. After that I continued to choose that pair of shoes as my most selected pair to wear. In September I took another cross-country trip with Meghan to Lake Tahoe, this time via plane, and experienced so much of the west that I thought I’d never get to see…in those very shoes. I won’t bore you with my rant about where I visited when we went west, if you want dets then read the other fucking posts…love you. Upon returning from Nevada I went to a Matisyahu concert and freaking sweated in the same pair of shoes.

My point is that even though that they are shoes my shoes represent a story, they tell where I’ve been, where I’ve walked, what I’ve gained from not only experience but from observation. I love those shoes because they walk me new places and allow me to wander and get a little lost.

Sometimes it’s good to lose yourself when you think that you will never leave the ground

Onto another subject! I was trying to study for a test I have tomorrow but I got distracted by a stream of amazing line-ups! Don’t ever put music in my ears, schoolwork will be forever forgotten. If you’re angry and just want to chill the fuck out, first chill the fuck out and then put in some of these songs. Relax my friend, allow your mind to drift and wander off into the simplistic things life has to offer.

1. The Xx-Islands

2. Florence + the Machines-Falling

3. Sia-Breathe Me

4. Yeah Yeah Yeahs-Maps

5. G-Spliff-I know (Melancholic Outtake)

6. Motorcycle-As the Rush Comes (Gabriel and Dresden Chillout Mix)

7. Pixies-Where is my mind

8. Bjork-All is Full of Love (the video is for mature audiences only)

9. Blank and Jones- Chilled Cream

10. The Xx-Intro

11. Zero 7-Destiny

12. All India Radio-Lofi Groovy (amazing love making song) (70s pornstaches)


 I think there’s this conspiracy to make the world unbelievably stupid. – Jon Rzeznik




The choice is yours.

Tsunami, parties, and the host: Mars

Meghan, Yenttirb, and the star: Mars

Blessed by a bitch

Pleasure to meet you

Half-black, half-white, domino

Throw that cash, guh!

Pursuits. Happiness. Framing Hanley. Beer-bellies


What is happiness? I’ve heard the term all of my life and yet it’s safe for me to conclude that I’m still unsure of what this ‘happiness’ is. I’m in the pursuit of this topic, I’m in the works of finding out about it as well, but isn’t happiness supposed to be one of those things that one is supposed to internally ‘get’ or ‘understand’? I search the word all of the time to see what a good definition of being ‘happy’ is supposed to be like so maybe when my symptoms match to those of Google search I will have an idea of what the hell is going on with me.

The dictionary always brings up the word ‘feeling’ or ‘feel’ followed by the word ’emotion’, neither of which I’m awesome at doing. So far on my pursuit to my ‘happiness’ I’ve gathered this tid bit of information thus far—

–> I prefer to think with my head instead of my heart, which hinders my journey towards my pursuit.

–> I Google what happiness is so I have guidelines?

–> Google gives bad definitions of ‘feelings’ and ’emotions’…but I guess that’s more of an individualistic thing huh?

–> On this journey I’ve learned that when I help others it brings me some sense of ‘joy’?  Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction.

–> I’ve gathered I’m thinking too much and not feeling enough. Capacity to experience the higher emotions; sensitivity; sensibility

–> I literally just searched the word ‘feeling’…

But it always gets worse before it gets better, right? It can’t honestly stay this way. I used to be able to feel and emot and express myself in a better way than what I am now…maybe I just need time. Or the right kind of understanding and empathetic person?

My contacts are dry….

No matter what happens, I’ll always have writing and my mind to tide me over.

Yeah, I thought optimism would perk up there haha (:


Seriously though…go check out Framing Hanley. Ryan, Luke, Chris Brandon, and Nixon are AH-MAZING.

Rainy dayz, lazy haze…suddenly disarray

I love the sound of rain, I love the rain in general. Relax with me. Seems like everytime I hear rain gently pouring down against a window while thunder seems to carefully roll across the sky my body instantaneously relaxes. All of my thoughts, all of my problems, all of my worries vanish at the light pattering noises surrounding me. I like to walk in the rain, or run, just to get an escape from myself for a while. Escaping; such an unfulfilling thing to do at times. How can one escape from ones self? Our minds, our preferences and expectations are always growing once we grasp onto what we think is bliss when really we are only trancing out of ourselves for a while.

I used to wish I was cataleptic.

Sometimes the rain here in the south reminds me of love, other times it reminds me of heartache. It depends on the heaviness of the downpour. When rain beats lightly against the concrete and the thunder delicately drums alongside of a possible lighting strike it just sings love to me. It’s slow and careful, it doesn’t want to rush into something that will startle everyone around it. It just wants to show its relations with the world, with the earth. Grounded. Thunder. Sometimes people are afraid of storms whether they be light or whether they are heavy. If it’s love you shouldn’t be afraid of light rain or heavy downpours, love is supposed to be through thick and thin right? Love has changed so much over these past years of my life, watching people think they’re in love or think they are portraying love when really they’re creating harm to all of those around them. Danger.

Everything I look at it seems there becomes some sort of meaning, some sort of cause that’s triggered this meaning to wire into my mind the way it has. Like the violin. It’s a beautiful sound with delicate strings yet it’s so haunting and troublesome once someone sketchy gets a hold to it. It’s like a lurking terror can instantly taint a violin’s innocent sound and change it into something dangerous or anxious- sounding…rambling.

I prefer to listen to orchestra music opposed to music with words sometimes, especially on rainy days. Words take away from the beautiful silence I prefer to hear, get my own interpretation of the rain. Some people hate the rain because it reminds them of sadness and harder times and, given that may be true for some, it can be a reminder of bad times but it reminds me of how much good I’ve ended up accomplishing through bad times. It brings me peace and security knowing I’ll be okay at the end of the day whether I’m surrounded by people who claim they love me or whether I’m alone.

Rain. Peace. Love.

I wish I could see your views on the rain.

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